17 years ago today, Steve asked me to “Be Mine” and I said yes. It was such an easy decision, I barely blinked an eye. There is a lot of love in the air around this time of year, but no matter how much love there is to go around, we often struggle to extend that same love to our own self. I have to admit, if my body said “Be Mine” I’d have to think twice. I mean, I can’t help but think there HAS to be a better body out there for me. If only I had the choice to pick it like we get to pick our mate.
If we could just see ourselves through our lover’s eyes. We would be so much easier on ourselves. We wouldn’t even notice the zit on our face or our love handles poking out of our jeans. We wouldn’t be staring at everything that is wrong, but we would be looking at all that was right. It would almost be like we were looking at a different person.
If only we could see ourselves like we see others. We extend our loved ones so much grace, yet we have none left for ourself. We harshly judge our body, so much so, we end up imprisoning ourselves with negative and irrational thoughts.
Even Heidi Klum can rip apart her own smile, yet all we see is beauty. How many times has someone said they wish they had something you had. They wish they had your hair, they wish they had your skin, or they wish they had your eyes. If you’re like me, these comments are hard to accept.
They are hard to accept because we honestly don’t see what they see. Not because it’s not there – but because we aren’t looking at it. We are so focused on all the crappy stuff, we literally aren’t even looking at the good stuff. However, the good stuff is still there, whether we recognize it or not, and it’s normally what everyone else sees first.
The problem with people who are actively working on the “flaws” in our life, is that they become focused on them. It’s difficult to work on something without focusing on it so much you actually become obsessed with it.
Think of marriage and relationships. You can’t just ignore each other’s flaws – there is a certain amount of work that is required to improve flaws so you can improve your marriage. However, you can easily become so focused on those flaws you begin to take everything else for granted. Before you know it, you can’t even see all the good stuff that made you fall in love to begin with.
This is exactly what happens to people who are working to improve their health and their body. The fat you once were accustomed to, and didn’t bother you as much as it does now, and although you probably even have less of it now, it’s all you see.
As you work and work to improve your flaws, it’s important you don’t become obsessed with them. Because you will never naturally think of all your positive attributes, you have to be purposeful when it comes to building yourself up. Our flaws will always try to steal the show so it’s up to us to close the curtain on them and put the spotlight on the real stars – all your awesome traits everyone else loves and you’ve forgotten.
Happy Valentine’s Day!